Selective memory

After Gina’s heinous labor, she was ready to take advantage of our hospital stay by making me have a vasectomy. Any talk of siblings for Ryan since have dwelled on the “I don’t think so.” 

But as of this weekend, Gina’s speaking in terms of keeping the door open. Yesterday she even made a comment about when we might want to start trying again.

I’m thinking I should check my wife for signs of a head concussion.

Ruling the roost

Here’s how Ryan spent his weekend:

- Being cradled

- Being fed

- Sleeping on a mattress that’s six times his size

- Being bathed by his two personal attendants

- Getting his nails done

- Having his dupa vibrated in his bouncy chair

- Lounging in his papasan swing

This isn’t our house anymore. It’s become a baby spa.

Mistaken identity

My brother Andy’s 7-month old called him “da-da” for the first time this week. Andy was delighted and rewarded Alena with her favorite Barney video. When the big purple dinosaur appeared on the screen, Alena squealed, “da-da!”

Andy says either Alena’s confused or he needs to lose some weight.

Rockstar Ryan

Ryan’s celebrating turning the big one month by not taking a nap all day. But I think he’s just about partied out.

We’ll see if he trashes his crib.

Welcome home, Aaron!

Welcome home to Lt. Commander Aaron Root, who just returned from a one-year tour of Iraq. A Navy man in a landlocked country, Aaron was hifalutin’ enough that he had a 30-man escort every time he went out on the town. Hopefully he won’t expect the same treatment when he goes to the grocery store. We join Aaron’s wife Holly and newly adopted daughter Annalise in welcoming him home and giving thanks for his safe return.

Sacramental pileup

This morning we went to church and arranged to have Ryan baptized. The problem is his godparents, my brother Andy and his wife Brandi, have their twins Faith and Hope’s first communion on the day we picked, May 2nd. Apparently it would be bad form to skip their daughters’ sacrament in favor of their godson’s, so we are going to see if we can bump the baptism to the first week of June instead.

One thing that I really like about how my church does baptisms is that after the baby is immersed in the water, one of the parents gets to hoist the baby like Simba in The Lion King. I was practicing with Ryan and really getting him over my head, and Gina asked, “is that what you’re going to do?” Like daddy would drop his kid. Although there was a case of a baby rolling off of the altar. I’ll have to watch out for that.

Home alone

Gina is going to her mom’s to watch a movie with our nieces. Since this is the first time I’ve been left alone to take care of the baby, I thought I’d document this historic event:

6:20 p.m. Gina leaves with some trepidation. I put Ryan in his bouncy chair and turn on my Xbox 360.

6:25 Ryan isn’t as interested in watching me play Ninja Gaiden 2 as I thought he would be.

6:35 I switch to Guitar Hero World Tour to see what the baby thinks of my singing.

6:45 Ryan starts squirming during my performance of “Born to Run.” That’s okay, as his mother isn’t much of a Springsteen fan, either.

6:55 Ryan starts crying during the Eagle’s “Life in the Fast Lane.” I decide to let him sing. His constant, shrill wail comes close to matching the pitch of Don Henley’s vocals, which probably isn’t much of a compliment to Don Henley.

7:10 We duet on Steely Dan’s “Do It Again.” As with “Life in the Fast Lane,” Ryan doesn’t seem to know any of the words. 

7:15 Ryan is no longer amused by Guitar Hero World Tour.

7:20 Diaper change.

7:30 I give the baby his formula. He seems to be filling his diaper.

7:50 False alarm on the diaper, but in the five seconds that he’s exposed he manages to pee on my hand.

8:00 I replace the binky he spit under the coffee table and try to get him to sleep.

8:10 Even after his bottle, Ryan looks suspiciously awake.

8:45 Closes eyes and spits out binky. I put him in his crib. I’m hoping he gives me 15 minutes so I can eat my dinner.

9:05 I check on the baby. He looks asleep. Maybe he heard me coming?

9:25 I take advantage of the moment of silence to start typing this post.

9:45 A lot of noise from the nursery. I hope Gina’s home soon.

The fastest gun in the Midwest

So you’d think I would have learned by now that when I change Ryan’s diaper I should cover up his little guy. Apparently nothing triggers his baby fountain like getting some fresh air. But even after he left his mark on the hospital, the pediatrician’s, the changing table and my leg, I still assume there’s no rush to get a fresh diaper on him.

This afternoon I was changing Ryan when I heard the window blinds tinkling. Ryan had shot over the changing table and down the adjoining wall. His newly-marked territory included the blinds, his outfit, a patch of carpet, and his Boppy pillow. His range is getting pretty impressive.

I’m going to need a tarp.

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Poor Ryan’s face is breaking out and he’s starting to lose his hair. He’s going through middle-age and adolescence at the tender age of three weeks.

Required reading

Today Gina and I laughed ourselves silly over a book we got in the mail. I would highly recommend it for baby showers or newborn gifts. It also comes with a Wheel of Responsibility which I’m convinced is weighted so it lands on “Dad” two-thirds of the time.

Thanks to our friend Jason (the hardest working man in the Tristate!) for the book. You can check it out at www.wrybaby.com.